I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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