Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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