Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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