one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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