She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
