What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
