come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
