we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
