I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
