so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
