where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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