he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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