dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
