Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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