im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
