my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
