i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
