i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
