How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
