i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
