I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
