Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
