some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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