Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
