She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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