I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
