Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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