We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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