I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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