I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
