There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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