There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
