That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
