I'm really into asian looking animals
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
