his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
