i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
