My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
