I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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