North Korea, Best Korea!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
