Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
