Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
