it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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