Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think my moral compass just broke
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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