my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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