i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
