I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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