Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
