Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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