we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
