Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
