So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
