Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
