Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
