Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
