My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
